I recently commented on another blog about the difficulty I have in putting the right words on ‘paper’ that I feel accurately convey my understanding of the spiritual lessons I’m learning.
At their reply, I realized that the feeling of frustration I feel must be a lot like how we all felt as children, when we knew perfectly well what we wanted, but didn’t have the ‘earth’ language skills to express that desire in a way our earthly caretakers could understand. We would point, grunt, and babble (seemingly incoherently), but we very rarely were truly understood.
A child may know they want grape juice. They can grab their mother by the sleeve and pull her to the fridge, and point at the fridge to let her know they want something inside, she can open the fridge, and the child can point at the juice box. But if the juice in the fridge is apple, not grape, as soon as the child tastes it, they will know it’s not what they want… but they don’t have the words to say, ‘no, I want grape, not apple’. The child grasps perfectly the concept of wanting grape juice, but may lack the understanding that there’s not actually any grape juice in the fridge at that moment, or else they lack the communication ability to express the desire for one particular juice over another to its mother. I’m pretty sure that’s what the ‘terrible twos’ are all about. Frustration.
I wonder if that was the beginning of our understanding in this plane of existence that we couldn’t have the things we want. That we had to settle for what we got because what we wanted was just too difficult to obtain. We’re so tired of trying to get our desire for grape juice, we finally just learn to resign ourselves to the first juice that comes to us out of the fridge.
I feel as if I am in my terrible twos in many areas of my life right now. Learning who I really am. Learning what I really want. Communicating my needs to the people around me.
It feels like I’m ‘growing up’ all over again, but instead of learning about how to communicate in the physical realm, I’m learning about the spiritual one. I’m in the Spiritual terrible twos. And if the physical terrible twos were this frustrating, I’m glad I can’t recall them!
But back to the subject at hand… the difficulty I have in expressing spiritual concepts in writing. I’m unsure if it’s a discipline issue, or simply that the maze of ‘mole holes’ is so vast. The instant you start down one path, it branches off in three different directions.
That’s what describing my understanding of certain aspects of my spiritual journey feels like- frustrating beyond belief. It has become quite clear to me that grasping a concept does NOT mean you have the ability to explain that same concept to others in a way that they will be able to grasp.
But that doesn’t stop me from trying. I have mastered the art of communication on the physical plane, the proof is my ability to converse, read and write… but spirituality is an entirely new form of communication, an entirely new ‘world’ where I am a child again.
(This post has led me to another, deeper, spiritual realization, and sparked several new posts, which will be coming very soon!)