I came across a great post about gratitude over at EssenCentral this morning, and commented with a practice which I had recently come across (but can’t recall where) in which the author, when her children become cranky, argumentative, or out of sorts, has them list three things which they are grateful for, and observed that this practice often raises the energetic vibration of her children from a lower state to a higher one, and that seeing the wisdom of such a practice, my husband and I charge the other to list three things which we are grateful for when we find the other being cranky or crabby.
Kayla, the author of EssenCentral, liked the idea and expressed that she might implement the practice in her own relationship as well. When I read her comment (and this is why I love the back and forth of discussion of ideas… and why the ‘mirror’ aspect of LOA has always resonated with me), I was suddenly struck with a thought, and please bear with me as I get to my point, because I promise there is a point!
I am the type of person who is greatly affected by the energy of those around me. I can sense it, and it often influences me instantly. I literally mirror the energy. When it’s an energy I don’t like, such as sadness, crabbiness, worry, etc, I tend to get irritated, and irritable. This ‘energy-blown’ (like wind-blown, but with energy) state of being has been my existence for my entire life, but I only recently began to really understand how much it actually affects me, how completely out of control I have been over my own state of being, and how this lack of control, this giving of my power (because our energy, our vibration, is the source of our power in this existence) to whomever happened to be in my vicinity has affected me.
When someone, my husband for example, walks in after having had a bad day, I immediately feel that pull toward a lower frequency. It doesn’t matter how wonderful my day has been, how high my vibration is humming, when that low state enters into my ‘field’ of perception, I’m instantly sucked in. My vibration isn’t stable when it is in the presence of outside forces.
So, back to the point…
In reading Kayla’s reply, I immediately ‘saw’ the truth of telling someone else to change their vibration (telling them to list things they were grateful for), for the sake of my own energetic stability for what it was:
My inability to maintain my own energetic frequency (my mood) in the face of an undesirable frequency (their mood), prompts me to seek ways to change what’s outside, to stop it from affecting what’s inside. In ever-increasingly new and sneaky ways, I’m telling others that they are the ones controlling me, and I don’t like the control they’re exerting on me in this moment, therefore they must change what they are doing to me. I’m, in effect, making myself completely powerless. And I have felt this powerlessness on a subconscious level my whole life, that’s why when someone’s mood affects mine adversely, I get angry. I get irritated. I am sensing my lack of power, and chafing against it… blaming them for it, when I’ve been the one giving the control to them ALL ALONG!
So instead of telling my husband that he must list three things he is grateful for, in a roundabout way of enticing him into raising his vibration to a level which I find more suitable, it is I who should be listing the things for which I am grateful! It is I who should be taking charge of my own ‘house’, battening my own hatches against being ‘energy-blown’ by outside forces!
So, my dear, sweet, beautiful beings of love and light… I challenge you to become aware of where and to whom you are surrendering your energy. Become aware of those you feel are affecting you negatively, and ask yourself why they have this power over you. By whose authority do they take hold of your ‘dial’ and change your frequency?
LOA often admonishes us to look at our reality and ask, “How have I created this?”
When we allow the energy of those around us to affect our own, we have created this by surrendering to them our greatest and most precious gift, our power, and by doing so, we have given them permission to create OUR reality with the same energy which they use to create their own.
We (and by ‘we’, I mean ‘I’) must turn our focus inward, on creating a stable, unshakable foundation. We must begin to take back our power, from both those who took it before we knew we had any power to begin with, and from those to whom we have given it, unknowingly, throughout our lives.
An easy way which I have found to discern the places where your power has ‘leaked’, is to consider all of the things that have the ability to sour a happy mood. That ex who still pisses you off whenever you think about them? They have some of your power. The parent whose indifference still cuts? They have some of your power, too. The jerk who cut you off in traffic this morning? You guessed it… he drove off with a piece of your power.
The good news is, no matter who has it, when they took it, or even if they still live and breathe on this plane of existence, you have the ability to call every bit of that power back within yourself. And make no mistake, no matter how zen you are, there will be moments when you have ‘power leaks’… but the instant you realize it has happened, you have the ability to draw your power back to you, and the answer is as simple as it is difficult.
You must create a reality in which their actions or words (or lack thereof) don’t have the power to affect you.
If some asshole cuts you off on your morning commute, and you fume about it, that’s okay. But understand that for as long as remembering the incident creates a reaction within yourself, they own a piece of you. Perspective is the key to regaining your power. If telling yourself that they were on the way to the hospital to see their dying mother one last time before it was too late is the reality that allows you to be at peace with what happened, so be it. Create that reality within your mind, send them compassion and love and grace for their blindness, wish them safety on their mad dash, and feel the gratitude that no one was harmed as a result of their hurry.
Our reality consists of the stories we tell ourselves about neutral external stimuli. Re-write the story, re-create your reality, regain your power.
So the next time your spouse or your children are crabby and (as we say around my house) wearing their grumpy-pants, tell them three reasons you are grateful for their presence in your life. Tell yourself three reasons you are grateful to be alive. Look to yourself for the power to change your reality, don’t depend on another’s willingness to do it for you.
Have a beautiful, blessed day, my friends!