Warning: Mixed analogies ahead! I was still a little out of balance when I wrote this, and it shows in my writing, but, I can definitely see the change in my thinking, and see it trying to gain momentum, so, instead of deleting this ‘in-between’ step of getting back into a state of alignment after allowing myself to become so far out of whack, I decided to leave it, because I am a firm believer that if you are a life teacher, your own life is as much part of the material as the lives of those who learn from you. I consider myself a life teacher, not because I have degrees or impressive credentials… my only cresentials are the ones given to me by you, the individual reader. If I help you in any way in your life, my credentials are ecactly what they need to be, if I do not, I am not the teacher for you at this time. It is my deep and abiding wish that each of you take the things I say which are helpful to you and apply them to your own life however they help, and that you discard the remainder (or file it away for future reference). Have a blessed, glorious day, my friends!
Namaste & Blessed be!
So, if you have had a chance to read my recent posts, you are aware that I really had a rough go of things the other weekend. I’m aware that things would have gone much smoother if I had begun the day with ‘clean’ energy, and by ‘clean’ I simply mean not ‘muddy’ or ‘sloppy’, but, I didn’t. I walked right into the middle of a lion’s den of my own making, for the most part. It then took me nearly two days after ‘The Day’ to stop crying and having random meltdowns about the most ridiculous stuff imaginable.
This really got me to thinking (once I had calmed down enough to think at all, that is) about the story that circulates around the internet, the story about the two wolves within; about which one I’d been feeding in relation to these people, and why, if I know this stuff on an intellectual level, do I seem to struggle with it when I go out and about?
I went looking for a YouTube video about the story to share with you all, and came across this:
Now, as much as I love the succinctness of the ‘edited’ version, the lessons are much clearer in the ‘extended’ version I found here. Balance must be struck between all parts of ourselves, and a thing unbalanced cannot find balance until it is reahaped.
A blacksmith can pound cold steel on an anvil all day, and xe ( <– s/he shortcut I recently discovered, and will be using quite often in the future, for those of you who haven’t come across this yet) will end up with a dented piece of steel and sore arms, but not a balanced blade.
The heat (trouble) softens us, it prepares us for the lesson to come. Without the ‘heat’ of trouble in our lives, the discomfort of the ‘fires of life’ to soften our hearts, to make us ready for the lessons to come, we will not be ready to change our shape. It becomes more and more difficult to find balance without the softening process. The following is an excerpt from a farm blacksmithing guide that I thought was appropriate for the analogy:
Hammering after the red heat leaves is hard work and accomplishes little. Also, the iron is apt to split or crack if hammered too cold.
As you can see, the heat, the fire, the discomfort… it’s necessary for change. It actually eases the process, for both the iron as well as the blacksmith.
This weekend was a forge of my own creation, fueled by the fires of my sloppy thoughts/energy, and the following week has been the ‘hammering’, the reshaping of my thoughts, learning the lesson and becoming a better balanced human being because of it.
Now, I could have easily chosen to be the victim. I could regale you with the laundry-list of ‘offenses’ and rudeness that I endured, and most of you would (if you could stomach the whinging) probably agree with me that I was the wounded party… but I am not. I brought my own imbalance to the production, and the rest of the cast played their parts to perfection.
I was not feeding the wolves inside myself in a balanced way. I had been feeding a lot of resentment, jealousy, confusion, pain, and a whole host of other emotions regarding some of these people, but because I also like these people (most of them are friends, or at least friendly acquaintances) I wasn’t comfortable feeling these emotions about them, so instead of acknowledging them and working through them, I ‘acknowledged’ them enough to get through the ‘point of injury’, and stuffed the rest down inside, thinking who knows what. I guess I thought they would simply go away. Silly, right? With all the stuff I know on an intillectual level, why it’s so difficult for me to apply my knowledge with the appropriate timing is beyond my current understanding. All I can presume at this point is that this trait must be important (for now) in order to facilitate my spiritual growth/journey. Obviously, some stuff doesn’t sink in until I’ve lived it.
So, I started with the story of the two wolves, meandered into an analogy about blacksmithing, and have made my way back to the wolves again.
I had been feeding the ‘dark’ wolf inside for a lot longer than I’d realized about some of these people. And I also noticed that, when it came to one or two of them, I had been feeding my dark wolf for no reason.
Here’s the part that may surprise some of you:
The people I “knew” I didn’t particularly care for, as well as the people I’d never met before, were great.
It was the thoughts I’d been thinking that I hadn’t want to admit even to myself that tripped me up. The thoughts I’d been manifesting under the guise of ‘indignation’, of how I was being wronged, the subtle, self-righteous ones- the ones that are accurate, but not necessarily truthful- those are the thoughts that had insidiously wormed their way beneath my skin and caught me unaware last weekend because I had been unprepared for the force of their momentum.
This weekend was a gift. A wretched, painful gift from which I am determined to extract as many lessons, analogies and theories as possible, in the hopes that I don’t have to repeat it!
Once the actively painful part of the process was mostly through, I was able to clearly see the connection between my experiences with specific people on that day and the thoughts I’d been having about each of them up to that point. In hindsight, it’s easy to see which of the wolves were being fed by which thoughts, and it is easy to see which areas of focus produce more of the results (feelings) I want, and which areas of focus produce more of what I don’t want.
The biggest lesson for me, I think, besides the obvious ‘clean up your energy’ message, is in how dangerous ‘righteous’ negativity is. Life is going to happen. People are going to be rude and thoughtless, and if you have not been doing the work, if you have been