(Note: This is a real-time, stream-of-consciousness writing, as I attempt to work through some issues I’m having. In the spirit of both authenticity and teaching, I am sharing my (mostly) uncensored mental process as I attempt to work through some resistance I’m experiencing)
It’s 2:30 a.m.- my evening- and my heart is unsettled. I’m facing some very stubborn resistance in regard to a situation.
I’ve said before that I listen to Abraham recordings on YouTube daily. They (Abraham) teach that ‘contrast’ (the things we dislike) is to be appreciated, because without knowing what we don’t want, we can’t know what we do want– so, without ‘contrast’, we don’t grow.
They also teach that negative feelings are just our inner guidance system letting us know that we are thinking thoughts about some subject that our Inner Being is also pondering, and we feel bad because the thoughts we are thinking don’t line up with our Inner Being’s thoughts on that subject. On that person, in my case.
So, if I have a ‘friend’ who is behaving in a manner that bothers me, I know that I should only look at the contrast (or, aspects I am perceiving as negative) just long enoug to figure out what I want, and then focus on what is wanted thereafter.
I’m going to give it a try, because I’m tired of carrying around this resentment.
This person has caused the whole of who I am to expand in many different areas; communication, friendship, making time for others, showing appreciation, respect, common courtesy… in each of these areas, the whole of who I am has expanded. It has become more, and my Inner Being has expanded to that place, and is holding it for me, allowing me to feel my way toward alignment.
The negative feelings have nothing to do with my friend, and everything to do with my perception of the circumstances. My thoughts are far enough out of whack with my Inner Being’s thoughts in this area that I am suffering severe energetic discord. It has become strong enough that it cannot be ignored.
*please note, this next part, I begin to have a conversation with myself. That’s how it came out, and I decided to leave it that way, in order to help give an organic example of how I try to work myself into alignment.
But, this is not the first time that this particular friend has caused you to have an emotional breakthrough. Not the first time this year, in fact! Don’t you remember the breakthrough you had after the wedding? Aren’t you grateful for that?
Doesn’t this… discord… that you feel inside feel similar to the way you felt that day, but a little less bad?
Maybe this is what it feels like, the ‘dark before the dawn’, as they say? Maybe the lesson isn’t complete yet?
What do I want from this dinner? An apology?
No, not really. They owe me nothing. I’m the one with the problem. I am aware of -and at peace with- that much, at least. I’ve got a thinking problem; a perspective problem…
But, am I, though? Am I wrong to want to be treated with common courtesy?
No… I’m not wrong, per se.
In an ideal world, would this happen between people who call each other ‘friend’?
It’s not wrong to desire to be treated with respect by one’s friends. The negative feelings are not coming from my desire to be treated well. My negative feelings are coming from my desire to be treated well by an individual whom I perceive as treating me poorly.
I feel used, and I don’t know how to feel better about it.
Maybe you’re trying to reach too far. Maybe you just can’t get there from here? That’s what Abraham says. You can’t get there from here.
Where is here? How do I feel?
Angry. Hurt. Used. Resentful. Petty. Jealous. Resentment. Yeah. Resentment feels about right.
Then you know what to do next.
I am off to search YouTube for “Abraham Hicks – resentment”.
Stay tuned for Part 2…