Yeah… this listening to my intuition thing is pretty great.
I hopped over to YouTube, searched for ‘Abraham Hicks – resentment’, and the first video I picked really hit the spot.
In this moment, do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?
Happy, of course.
I’m not having dinner with this person until this evening. I have soothed the worst of it (and I will listen to a few more, just to be sure I have the message), and I don’t want to feel unsettled anymore.
I want to be in alignment with my Source. I want to be happy. I want to love. I want to feel unconditional love- meaning love not based on any condition, on needing anything to be different from what it is.
If I am upset about something this person has (or hasn’t) done, then I am needing them to behave differently in order for me to feel better. That gives this person control over me. In allowing their actions to affect my sense of well-being, I am handing my power over to someone else. I need to find some way of looking at things that will allow me to focus on this moment, and allow what has happened in the past to fall away… cast into the sea of forgetfulness, as it were.
How can I go more general with this?
I love being the creator of my own reality. I do. It’s such an amazing feeling to be aware for what feels like the first time in a very long time, that I am the only one with any control over how I feel. It feels good to be in charge of myself.
The whole reason I ever wanted to be in charge of myself is because I felt like I could do a better job of it that everyone else who was trying to run my life for me- not so I could use that control to sit around, feeling resentful and hurt.
I’m not doing all of this work to sit around feeling bad, I’m doing this to be happy. I know that my thoughts control my happiness, and I control my thoughts… or at least, I control which thoughts I will focus on.
What do I want to focus on?
How much I love this new way of being. I love my newfound sense of power and self-worth. I love that I care enough about how I feel to refuse to sit around feeling bad.
I refuse to sacrifice my joy for petty bullshit. Reach for something better. It doesn’t have to be satisfaction yet. It’s okay to reach for something a little closer to where you are. What feels better than resentment and hurt?
Pettiness feels better. It definitely feels better to feel some smugness that I control my emotions, that I won’t allow anyone, including me, to keep me from my happiness. Other people don’t get to dictate how I feel, how I react to them. It’s not their call. It’s my call.
Am I even mad at this person at this point? They’ve always treated me with this same split-minded indifference-affection combo. They’re not doing anything new. It’s all the same old crap. Logic tells me that it’s myself I’m upset with, really.
How many times will I ask a Being to go against its nature? Once I know how you act, if I don’t like it, why do I keep allowing myself to be put into situations where I am subjecting myself to it, directly? By this point, whose fault is it, really?
Absolutely my own.
There’s even a story about a scorpion and a camel… or was it a snake and a farmer?
…Please hold, while Google retrieves the requested information…
Yeah. It’s just who they are. If I am aware, and I proceed, with whom does the fault lie when I get stung?
Well, the responsibility is back in my court. That’s progress. But there’s still a flavor of resentment in there.
What is it I’m still feeling resentful about, if, to quote Jimmy Buffet, ‘…it’s my own damn fault’?
This is getting pretty long… I think I will end this here. Stay tuned for Part 3, and hopefully the conclusion to this soul searching.
PS- between parts 1 & 2, after watching the video, I also pulled a 3-card Issue, Action, Outcome spread, regarding this situation from my new Oracle deck… my ‘maiden voyage’ so to speak… it was fantastic, and I will make a separate post about that! Definitely helped shift some energy for me on this!
Namaste & Blessed be!