A reader asked me:
In a previous post, what did you mean when you said, “The souls who love us the most are the people hurt us the worst“? …From my perspective, only pain hurts, and love heals… I do not understand this perspective.
(Please note, I have greatly shortened this question… mostly because I was unable to copy & paste from my mobile for some reason)
Alright! First of all… I’d like to thank AD for posing the question, and I’d like to encourage all of you to ask for clarification if you are having difficulty ascertaining exactly how I’m looking at something, or where my head was when I was writing about something. I have a difficult time remembering to explain that part, or may gloss over it, or leave it out entirely. Always ask me for clarification, because most likely, I left out part of my reasoning!
Now, on to the answer(s)!
It has been my experience that a large percentage of humanity dislikes introspection. I, on the other hand, am happiest when I can pick my own brain (or anyone else’s) for clues into human behavior. Probably stems from my childhood. Some days it was best to stay out of the way, and it was best to figure that out fast.
As I grew up, I began to try to understand why the people around me were the way that they were. Why were they so angry? Why didn’t they care that they were hurting me? Why did they get angry when their harshness made me cry?
I spent a lifetime asking, answering, pondering… but every time I thought I’d figured it out, someone new came into my life, and just turned everything I thought I knew on its head.
Finally, I had to come to the conclusion that each individual was exactly that. An individual. I had no way of knowing what their past consisted of, or what damages they have sustained, or how much healing they had done. I knew nothing, save what they chose to show/tell me.
Then, thanks to your urging, I decided to give Abraham Hicks another try, and it dawned on me… I’ve been using the wrong criteria the whole time. I’ve been trying to figure people out based on their ‘lower selves’, the human aspect. The part that’s different for everyone. What I needed to do was focus on the part we all share that matches. The part within each of us that is the same.
The Divine Within.
This is where I was looking; the part of ‘people’ to which I was referring when I said that the souls that love us the most are within the people who hurt us the most.
Not because I think abuse is love.
Pain is pain. Love does heal. Abuse is abuse, and I am in no way advocating acceptance of mistreatment, or remaining in a dangerous situation or with volatile people. Not at all.
What I meant by my statement is that, the Divine Within is eternal. It existed long before we came into our physical bodies, and it will carry on long after it returns to the earth. Before your Higher Self joined with your body, it was ONE with the Divine Spark inside every other human being.
The ex that threw things at you when xhe got angry.
The cop that uses excessive force.
The bully who beats up on the kids at school, who in turn goes home and gets beat on by their dad or mom.
Rapists. Murderers. Racists. Thieves. Liars. Abusers.
We were all beings of pure love and light before we came here. We knew that our missteps would help one another grow and learn. We knew this was only temporary.
The circumstances themselves are not what upsets you. It is your perception of rhem. If you look at someone who has lost their temper and see the Lower Self- the human aspect- then yes, you will find yourself out of alignment. You will find yourself hurting. Not because of what they did, but because you are looking at another human being with human eyes, not with the eyes of the Divine.
But I know this is not the question you were asking me. That was for the benefit of others. You were asking me about the human aspect. How much pain is too much… my glib answer: any pain is too much pain. But, if you want to know my real, unvarnished answer… however much it takes to get you to stop focusing on the behavior of others and start focusing on how you feel… and decide to feel better, whatever it takes.
Think about this for a moment… imagine if you were born and not one single person ever struck you, no one ever snapped at you, no one ever criticized you or made you feel less than wonderful, 24-7, every day of your life. You never experience one single negative emotion, from birth to death. Would you grow, spiritually? Emotionally? Or would you simply die at the same place you began, in the spiritual sense?
The point is not to go into the worst shithole you can find and suck up all the abuse everyone feels like dishing out, the point is to find balance between the contrast and the light. The stronger the contrast, the more profound the spiritual and emotional growth, but if you wallow in your misery, you learn nothing.
If you ask, ‘Why do they hurt me?’ instead of ‘What am I supposed to learning here?’, you’re not only missing the lesson, you’re setting yourself up to deal with it again. It will come back around, over and over, until you learn it.
If you have a string of abusive relationships in your past (raises my own hand), it’s happening for a reason. You haven’t learned that you deserve to be treated better. Until you do, you will settle for being treated like shit.
There is a difference between experiencing contrast with a person who cares about you and a person who cares only about themselves. The first has bad days, and may even take it out on you in some way, but they are working on themselves and visibly improving on a regular basis. People who care about themselves aren’t. They do the same shit, over and over and over.
Soul contracts (major experiences and life lessons we go through) are carried out without our knowledge, understanding, and often without our realization.
My post addressed the Divine Within, or Higher Self, your question seems to be addressing the Lower Self, or the human aspect of us. They are not the same. If you understandnothing else I write here today, please, understand this.
A conversation about Spirituality can often sound like a conversation about the physical plane, and often gives the opposite advice. Where the person is STARTING FROM is the most important part to get right in conversations like this.
I am super glad that you finally asked me this question!
I have no doubt that you will have plenty to say in reply, so I will end this post here, and we can get to the good part… the comment exchange!
PS- Please note, I am not upset, still got my peace fully intact… in fact, it’s even better, because explaining what I meant to you allowed me to step back into a higher vibration, myself. I was having a rough day, and this helped reel me back in. I appreciate that. 🙂 Nothing I said was intended to upset, so if something does, please ask me to clarify. Most likely, I just used the wrong words.
PPS – for some reason, I feel like you’re going to tell me that I haven’t answered your question at all, LOL. Hopefully, that’s just my insecurity speaking, but if not, let me know, and I’ll try again! 🙂