Disagreement Doesn’t Have to Equal Disaster

I was 36 years old when I realized for the first time that I was allowed to have boundaries with my parents, and that it was okay for me to expect those boundaries to be respected.  Today, at 37, I have realized for the first time that I can be in disagreement with my family members and it’s okay.  They can be upset that I disagree, and it’s okay.   

I am 37 years old.  I’ve been married twice.  I no longer need their approval for my self-worth.  I value my own intelligence enough to be secure in my choices.

I have been reacting to their reaction to my opposition.  I’ve not been asking myself questions about the situation.

– is our disagreement causing harm? (Is someone dying while we come to terms?)

– does our coming to an agreement on this matter, in the long term? In the short term?  Ever?

– am I trying to gain understanding, wanting to be seen/validated, or do I simply not want to be ‘wrong’?

– is the other person trying to gain understanding, wanting to be seen/validated, or do they simply not want to be ‘wrong’?

– have I made it clear to the other person that I am not attempting to invalidate their experiences, even if I completely disagree with their choice/belief/opinion, or cannot understand their perspective?  (Have I acknowledged the Divine within them, or am I focused on their Ego/Humanity?)

– am I feeling fear or anxiety?  We tend to freeze, mentally, when experiencing these emotions, and agreement, even if possible, is much less likely.  Do I need a break, or should I end the conversation for now (or for good)?

Questions like these will help me keep my perspective on things, especially with my family.  Especially now, in the infancy of my individualization.  I’m not used to not being afraid of disagreeing, with anyone.  Even online, I usually have anxiety attacks if I have to disagree with someone, or if I think I will upset them, or that they will react negatively in any way to me, my words, my opinions, my looks, my education, my… existence.  It’s strange to say that it’s okay to disagree with someone and actually mean it.

As I sit here, rolling the idea around in my mind, I can actually feel my body’s habitual responses to even the thought of conflict.  The tightening in my chest and stomach, my palms beginning to dampen… but my mind is calm.  That’s how automatic my reaction to conflict is.  I only have to imagine it, and not even a specific conflict with a specific person… no, just the thought of any conflicts.  

I have a feeling that I will be coming back and reading my own words many many times, until they sink in fully, and the knee-jerk anxiety attack symptoms stop, at least!  I hope you all found something useful in my words today!  

Namaste & Blessed be! 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Disagreement Doesn’t Have to Equal Disaster

  1. Power is never given, it must always be taken.

    Individualism is the magic word that sets a soul free. We can still love our friends and family without being surgically attached to them…

    I used to hate conflict and confrontation like you. But the more I grow into the individual I am, I realize conflict is the cornerstone of growth and progression. Well, that’s how I choose to see it and it makes things more exciting. Where there is adversity, there is place to expand. Communication is everything… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I prefer ‘reclaimed’, simply because the connotation of the word ‘reclaimed’ feels more empowering to me than the word ‘taken’, but yes, I am coming to agree with that sentiment.

      And the discovery and reclamation IS the journey!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah well I remember you said you are on a journey to set the world on fire… Causing flames huh? If you need water tell me I’m Aquarius 😂

        Reclaiming power I guess that would make sense in this case… The reason why we feel anxious in the face of confrontation is because most of us learned it was bad from our childhood. But then I realize that some people are much more opened to intellectual discussions and are flexible to talk about hard stuff. You know?

        Everybody is not going to throw a chair at me for saying what I think. Some people actually take time to listen and respond in a way that allows growth… And now when I have to speak with someone I know is not very good with confrontation and communication, I just let it go because I know it will escalate real quick. My mother is one of those people with a very short flame. She explodes and snaps out of proportion easy. On top of that, she NEVER apologizes like I never heard say “sorry to anyone” lol. Knowing that, I just avoid any form of conflict with people that remind me of her because I know it will only go downhill. Matter of fact, I cut ties with people like that. I’m a free spirit and I need to expand. If I can’t I’m out lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I definitely relate to that. Just the realization that agreement (on either side) is not a requirement for ‘peace’ inside of myself has been pretty big for me to wrap my head around. I still find myself trying to talk the other person into seeing my POV.

        The more I visit with this topic (through comments from you guys on posts like this one, as well as in RL situations) the more I realize just how deep this ‘soothe with words’ thing is for me.

        I’ve always been so good with words… they have been my friends when I felt completely alone, and they have been the key to so much knowledge and understanding for me, and I automatically turn to them (instead of checking where my energy is at the moment). I’m practicing aligning my energy as best I can before I speak. For now, it’s still hit or miss. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yeah for sure.

        We all try to make people see our point of view on some level… But you know what I have realized? Sometimes no matter how you explain something to someone, they can 1) only receive what they are ready and willing to receive, 2) understand what you are saying from their level of understanding.

        It’s about knowing the crowd we are addressing a subject to. We can’t have deep conversations about vibrations, the fifth dimension or veganism with everyone. Some people are not willing to go there and they will think you have a mental problem, not because they mean you harm but because of the program they play in their head, etc.

        For me it has changed a lot on how I interact with others. Where does this person I’m interacting with coming from? Should I keep it basic or am I allow to dive deeper? Does this person have high or low tolerance to the unknown? Etc.

        As much as I hate shallow conversations about the weather, sometimes it’s best to keep it there and move on…

        And I agree I think you’re good with words 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s