What A Difference 

Friends, meditation should be mandatory at schools and workplaces.  And homes.  And at stoplights.

I spent nearly two days pulling at various strings, seeing what pulled free from the snarl of emotions I had going on, and within twenty minutes of stilling my mind, of going to my ‘zone’, the light switched on.  And that’s kind of what it was like.  Like a dark, scary, abandoned lot, and when I followed the right thought, it tripped some mental breaker, and suddenly, the entire incident was illuminated in a completely different light (pun half-intended), and much of my angst drained away.

There’s still plenty of work to be done, but now that the immediate painful emotional response has ebbed, the work can progress at a much faster rate.

I feel so much better.  

I had allowed my energy to become extremely out of whack regarding several people, then went and spend 8 hours with them.  In the middle of an intense transition period for me.

I remember in the past few weeks thinking, ‘whew, at least that crazy whirlwind of emotional growth has slowed some’, not realizing that it was the drag of my own whack-a-doodle energy that had slowed my momentum down, not the Universe.  The insights and understanding never slow down, the signal never slows down.  We only drift in and out of range of the ‘station’.

The instant I quieted my mind and reached for the ‘signal’, it was right there, quick as it ever was.  My transition, my growth, has not slowed at all.  I merely took a time-out in order to focus more clearly on this particular lesson.

I have areas in my life where I am too focused on the reciprocity of my affection.  I need the reassurance, the atta-girls, and the open affection in order to feel safe enough to open up to people, but I’m too defensive, insecure, and slow to get my bearings around new people, because I always have to take the time to get to know them before I decide whether they are ‘trustworthy’ of my affections… whether they ‘deserve’ my friendship, my smiles, my kind words, my attention, the effort it takes to learn their names… not because I thought that I was better than they were, but because I only had a finite amount of (very hard won) affection to give, so I had to be choosy with my love.  With those I let in.  With those I was willing to be vulnerable to; because I thought that, because I felt much more pain from the wounds of those closest to me, that they had caused me the most harm.  But I was harming myself.

With my thoughts.

With my words.

With my actions.

I used those closest to me as the source of all of the negative thoughts I was creating about myself.

I am unlovable.

I am ugly.

I am a terrible person.

We use all of these outside circumstances as excuses to beat up on ourselves.  To feel bad.  To feel pain and hurt and misery… but we only have to feel the pain for as long as we need to, be it hours, seconds, or days.  The instant we make the choice to love, to begin making our way back to love, and we quiet our minds and seek within, the answer will come.

What Do You Feel?

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what you’re feeling?  Not how you’re feeling, but what you’re feeling?

If you’re like me, you probably never stopped, as an adult, to question the labels you gave certain feelings as a child.  Tonight, I had a major realization, that somehow, as a child, I mislabeled the combination of desire and anxiety as FEAR, then I cleverly disguised fear as ‘aversion’, or the opposite of desire!

I spent my entire life believing that there wasn’t anything I wanted to do!  I thought I lacked desire, but the truth is, I didn’t understand that the feelings I was having… THAT’S WHAT MEANINGFUL DESIRE FEELS LIKE!  The meaningful desires, the important desires, they’re SUPPOSED to be a little scary, a little challenging… they’re supposed to make you GROW! Continue reading “What Do You Feel?”

6 Ways To Counter Negative Energy

Sooner or later, we all run into a Frequency Hijacker.  Vibration Assassin.  Vortex of Negativity.  Or my personal favorite, an Eeyore.  Whatever you want to call them,  they’re the people who are so negative, they can walk into a room and even the lights dim.

If you’re like me, and very sensitive to people’s energy, these encounters can be excruciating.  Even if you’re not an HSP, if you’re exploring LOA, energy levels are very important,  so it’s good to have a few countermeasures, some strategies on hand to deal with them when they inevitably cross your path. Continue reading “6 Ways To Counter Negative Energy”

Surfing the Inner-net

I like to meditate.  I wish I had one of those machines that measure brain waves, to see which states I actually manage to achieve.

I don’t know how it is for other people, but when I’m meditating, it kind of feels like an engine; that I’m the engine, and when I begin to meditate, I’m on the highway.  You know, that speed when you set your cruise control.

At first it feels as though I become aware of my current speed, like glancing at the speedometer, so to speak.  As I continue, sometimes it feels like I simply turn off cruise control, and begin to coast, gradually slowing down.  If it’s a short session, that’s about the extent of it most of the time.

During longer meditation sessions, something else happens.  As I ‘coast’ to slower speeds, at some point, I feel a ‘downshift’ in my consciousness where my body ‘drops’ into an even deeper relaxation, and at the same time, my consciousness feels like it ‘shifts’ into a different gear. Continue reading “Surfing the Inner-net”

Be Still and Listen

The world has not grown so loud that I cannot hear you when you call.  The chaos of man cannot drown out my reply when you sit in stillness and wait.  Your patience will be rewarded, your gifts will fill your soul and overflow.

Do not doubt yourself.  Your faith in me is true, it’s your faith in yourself that is weak.  Listen to the quiet voice within when it speaks, and I will provide you the guidance to lead you to greater things.

I have not left this place.  I have not abandoned you.  Where you seek me, I will be, you simply have to be still and listen for my voice.

Leave fear behind.  Rejoice in the joy that is to come.

***

For the first time in my life, I was moved to tears by the call of a bird.

I was late in my meditation (a practice I have recently taken up), and decided to try meditating where I was, sitting on my sofa, no music, no guidance, just Being.  I wanted to explore the root chakra, as it’s the source of grounding, and I want to establish a stable foundation in my spiritual practices. I couldn’t seem to get comfortable, so I crossed my legs beneath me and, while more comfortable, I just FELT the separation between the earth and myself. Continue reading “Be Still and Listen”