That Lovin’ Feeling

The following is a fantastic quote I found on my friend MomentumMike’s blog.  With his permission, I’ve reposted it here as it originally appeared… and now I’m going to muse all over it.

“When someone does something loving, they are not giving Love – they are only doing something that Allows someone else to Focus on the “Love” that is already inside us.”

~Momentum Mike

If you’re doing any kind of self development, energy work, LOA work… whatever, I would imagine that this quote jumps up and grabs you.  Unless I’m the last kid in the class to figure this out.  Either way, it was an ah-ha moment for me, and reinforces the ‘mirror’ concept I am currently assimilating.

If love can’t be given, it also can’t be taken away.

If I wander down the mole hole a little farther, and begin to focus on love as a specific energy (frequency of vibration), I approach the concept that, if the source of all of the love which I ever experience is within, when I can’t feel this particular energy, I have a resistance to it related to myself.

If the universe is a reflection of the energy ‘station’ we are dialed to, then when we experience what we think of as ‘love’, we are simply aligned with the frequency we have assigned to that label.  

The inability to ‘tune in’ to that station at will doesn’t mean that there’s no love in or around us, simply that we aren’t tuned to it.

Next time you’re feeling a distinct lack of love from others, try finding loving/kind feelings within yourself (about anything- doesn’t have to necessarily be the same source of unloving-ness you have noticed), send them outward, and see what happens.

I believe you will be pleasantly surprised. 🙂


Emotions, Energy, and LOA

Feelings = Emotion = Energy = Vibration = Frequency

So, Law of Attraction (LOA) is a really big buzzword/catchphrase right now.  Everyone is telling us what it is, and what it means, and how to work it… but while much of what is said sounds like more of the same, there’re some pretty big differences once you start digging a little deeper.

In an early post, I touched on what LOA was not, and I’d like to expand on that a little.  When I said, ‘It isn’t wishing upon a star that someday your Porche would come‘, what I meant by that was that LOA is absolutely not about thinking positive thoughts, and all your dreams will come true.  It’s just not.  Anyone who tries to sell you that load of BS is probably trying to sell you something.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  Just because someone has something to sell you doesn’t mean they are full of shit.  But the old adage, ‘if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is’ is just as true for LOA as it is for anything else.  If that’s all there was to it, everyone would be doing it.

Perhaps instead of Law of Attraction, I should begin to call it ‘Law of Alignment’, because that’s more accurate.  You’re not attracting anything, you’re aligning yourself with energy.  It’s not coming to you, you’re giving your mind a directive, and it’s aligning itself with that desire, unless it’s being blocked by a core belief that is in opposition to it, in which case the new directive is ignored.

Wait… ‘core beliefs’??  Huh?

Now, some of you who have been working on this a while will already get this, but some of you, those who aren’t much deeper than ‘The Secret’, may be a little confused.  Allow me to attempt an explanation.  That’s okay.  You don’t have to understand all the vernacular right now.

Whether a core belief is conscious or unconscious doesn’t matter, you don’t have to realize you feel a certain way in order for your mind to align with it.

Let’s say you hold a core belief that rich people are shallow, manipulative, and greedy.  Let’s say you also hold a core belief that you are a good person (This is a very oversimplified version of core beliefs… it’s almost always something much much deeper than this, but this will do for demonstration purposes).  It doesn’t matter when, where or why you came to believe these things.  All that matters is that you do believe them.

One day, you run across this ‘Law of Attraction’ thing, and you think ‘hey! I wanna be rich!’, so you read the book, and you watch the movie. You make your vision boards, finding pictures of your dream house, your dream car, your dream vacation, the perfect husband, the perfect kids, the perfect Labradoodle… and you write down your affirmations.  You write them on sticky notes, plastering them everywhere; on the bathroom mirror, your bedroom ceiling, the sun visor of your car, your computer monitor… everywhere.  You faithfully look at your vision board every day.  You faithfully recite your affirmations three times a day… but it’s not working.

This is usually the point where most people get frustrated and give up, thinking that their manifestation gene must be defective, or else they just get pissed off, believing it doesn’t work, and embarrassed to have fallen for yet another scheme.  But none of that is true.  It’s not your fault it didn’t work.  Someone gave you a 5,000 piece puzzle, and only gave you about five of the pieces.  You’ve got the picture on the front of the box, you know what it’s supposed to look like, or at least you think you do, but you only have part of the puzzle.  A tiny part.

Your mind will blind you to paths that go against your core beliefs.

No matter how much you tell it that you really want to be rich, as long as your mind believes that good people (and deep down, most of us believe that we are good people) and rich people are not synonymous with one another, for whatever reason… it’s just not going to work.

The truth is, most of us don’t really want the things we try to ‘attract’ with LOA.  Take the desire to be rich.  Specifics and ‘measurable goals’ aside, ‘rich’ is an extremely subjective term.  While we say the word rich, even if we are thinking about money, we’re very rarely thinking of the actual money.  We’re thinking of what we can GET with that money.  And the things we can get with the money are also very rarely what we’re actually after.  They’re all just symbols, representations of our real desires:

Happiness.  Security.  Power.

To be respected.

To be envied.

To be loved.

To be free.

Then you’re going to realize that as long as you desire these material things as a solution to some emotional lack, you’re not going to get them; and even if by some miracle you manage to acquire them, you’re going to be miserable, because you will constantly fear losing them.

LOA is about feelings.  Emotions.  Not stuff.  Stuff is just the means by which we initially believe our happiness will come.  Or we believe we will find that elusive sense of joy and completeness within a relationship; but we won’t. 

You can’t escape yourself.  

The work begins and ends within each of us, not outside of us.



In The Mix

So, Ive been having a few ideas pinging around in my head lately.  One is writing a book, but what blogger isn’t, right?

No, the idea that’s really exciting me is an idea to develop a women’s retreat, where we focus on being women; on our bodies, our minds, and our spirit.  I’ve started looking around for potential locations, begun speaking to potential guest speakers, developing ideas for activities, etc.

It’s not the planning I’m concerned about, though.  To be honest, I can’t get more than 2 people to have dinner with me, much less dozens of women who would pay to attend the workshop I put together.

It’s not that I don’t think the event would be fun.  In fact, I think it will be amazing.  I just don’t know how to convince everyone else how great it’s going to be!

Do any of my readers have experience or tips in this area that they’re willing to share?

Would any of my readers be interested in learning more about this workshop/retreat as it develops? (Most likely it will be held in Virginia or a neighboring state.)

Have you ever put on or attended a workshop/retreat?  What did you like best?  What areas were lacking?  What made the workshop… enticing?  Exciting?  Valuable?

All feedback is welcome.

I feel like I should specify that this workshop will not be featuring myself.  I’m not a speaker, I will simply be the Master of Ceremonies and an attendee.  This workshop is for ME as much as anyone else.

If you’re interested in following the progress of the event, or even interested in possibly attending the event, let me know.  

I don’t even know why I’m making this post, to be honest, since everything is still so… nebulous… but I felt a nudge to put it out there, so, here it is.  

Your move, Universe. 

Audience or Tribe?

Who do you write for?

I got to talking to my new friend Sophie (hopelessblog – she’s a new blogger, go show some love!), and I realized why this blog seems so different from my previous blogs.  I finally know who I’m writing for.

All my previous blogs, I’ve been wanting to find my tribe, but I’ve been writing for an audience.  This time, I’m writing for myself, and allowing my Tribe to find me.  It’s an entirely different kettle of fish.

I don’t spend a lot of time ‘seeking’.  I don’t go on the reader and search for people to ‘beckon’ over to my blog with commentary or likes, etc, I just… be.  I write.  I reply.  I search for posts on the reader about topics that I figure I’ll be writing about, or have written about, or that I will never write about, but catch my eye.  I comment when I have something to say, not expecting a reply or visit from it.

When I blogged for numbers, I was looking for ‘fresh meat’ every day.  I spent more time fishing for new followers– throwing lots of spaghetti on the wall, waiting for something to stick– than I spent actually writing.  Not because there’s something wrong with this method.  It’s a tried and true, labor-intensive process that just didn’t work for me… because I never wanted an ‘audience’, I wanted a tribe.

I want to support and be supported.  I want to connect.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I never went looking for readers.  Of course I did.  My first 10 or so readers were found the ‘traditional’ way.  Either I went to find them, or they found me (‘Welcome’ and ‘Uncategorized’ posts are most often the terms by which new blogs/bloggers are found by experienced bloggers looking to build their audiences, from my understanding).  The difference is, I wasn’t searching for people who were new to pad my numbers, I was searching for terms like, ‘Law of Attraction’, and ‘Divine’, and ‘Spirituality’.  I was searching for people who are more likely to connect with me on a personal level.

Once the first ten followers happened, though, I only search for ‘new’ blogs when I’m on WP and I’ve written a post or two, replied to all my comments, and read the posts written by those whom I follow, and checked out the blogs of my new followers.  I don’t make finding more readers my goal, I want connected readers.  I want involved readers.  I want deep thinkers and free spirits.  I also want the curious and those who don’t agree with me (as long as we can all remain polite).  

True connection takes time.  You can write for the masses, but then you have to deal with the masses.  I would overwhelm myself in the past, trying to be everything for everyone.  I don’t have the time or the energy to do that anymore.  I’m too busy.  Life holds too much for me.  

There’s nothing wrong with writing for an audience.  I just don’t seem to be able to be general enough.  Or focused enough?

Either way, this new approach to writing is both freeing and apparently less stressful for me, so I hope you all enjoy it!

PS- sorry it’s been a while.  Summer.  I’m actually doing stuff! (For once!)

Dear Diary…

I just took a moment to scroll back through my posts on this blog, and I must say, I am quite proud of it.  I love being able to watch my emotional growth unfold.

If you have a child, I urge you to encourage them to keep a private diary.  One you won’t read.  Give them the gift of a place to lay down the burdens they don’t feel safe bringing to you.  Give them the gift of trusting your word.  Give them the expectation and freedom of true privacy, even if it’s only between the pages of a single notebook in which to record their thoughts.

To this day, I catch myself censoring my writing, fearing the unexpected reader.  It sucks.

And they will test you.  They will write some secret and wait for you to confront them with it, or the more foolish ones, like myself, will be trusting, and believe that they had the luxury of honesty in their diaries, at least… until they are blindsided by their own words getting them in trouble, and losing their trust in their parents, unsuspecting to the very moment they’re cornered.  If you fail this test… good luck.  May you be blessed with either the first children that ever did nothing their parents would object to, or be blessed with a child who is smart enough not to write about it any place you will come across it.

Your trust with your children is sacred.  Though I have no children of my own, I was that child, and to this day, it affects my relationship with my folks.  

There are many ways parents screw up their relationships with their kids… an obvious one like reading a diary should not be one.  Or at least, it should be a last, nearly life or death, resort.

I don’t know why this is coming forward for me right now… except the conversation I recently had with my mom about this very subject.  I hadn’t realized the incident had affected our relationship to the extent it had.  I guess I have some reflection and meditation to do about this.

Hopefully this post helps someone.  If your parents snoop, leave no clues.  If you’re a snooping parent, stop.  Talk to your kids.  They might be hormonal little jerks, but they’re still human beings, with human needs, and at least one place where they are free to be exactly who and what they want to be is what they need.  If you take away a safe, home-based way to do that, they will find it other places.  

I did.

What Synchronicity Looks Like Part II

I wandered farther down the aisle, searching for the Abraham books, the reason I’d chosen to come to the aisle in the first place, but they had lost all interest for me.  There was zero appeal.  I don’t think I even removed one fully from the shelf.  I wandered away, and on my way out of the aisle, my eye caught the Heart Oracle cards.  

The picture on the front struck a chord within my consciousness.  It resonated with the actual literal wedding-slash-handfasting (complete with braided cord and all) where I’d been poleaxed with all my own negative energy just a week before.  Part of me was still wrestling with that, and my soul knew it.

I picked up the Heart deck and placed the Psychic deck back on the shelf.  Something inside me knew that this deck had something to tell me (mind you, I’ve always had a fascination with Tarot, but I’ve never taken it seriously, and had a tarot deck at home I’d bought a year before and never even opened!).  I asked Husband if he objected to me getting the deck, and he didn’t, so we bought it (getting a discount, and ending up paying less than the pre-tax cost of the other deck [everything’s always working out for me!])

I got home and started messing with the deck.  I spread out the cards and plucked one, thinking of my friend, the one who had gotten married.  The friend who was the reason behind the impulse to buy the deck in the first place.  I drew three cards and studied their meaning in the book, and drew my own interpretation of them.  The answer was not clear, not in the ‘what actions to take’ area, that is still… brewing, but the ‘conclusion’ was definitely relieving.  Things were all going to work themselves out.

Next I pulled a card for a potential mentor, because I was unsure of her purpose in my life and again, I studied the book meaning, then used my intuition to tailor it to me, personally.  It seemed she and I will collaborate on something.  Whether that’s mentorship services or some other thing, I don’tknow,  but again, my thoughts were reaffirmed.

I pulled a few other cards, but everything I pulled just felt blah.  Boring.  Uninspired.

I decided to try some visualization exercises for a bit, because I had heard that it helps to develop the clair-skills (Clairsentience, Clairvoyance, etc).  I thought I would try to visualize numbers.  Then I had the thought to make things a little trickier… I’d visualize colored numbers.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture a yellow number one.  The color was arbitrary.  Yellow just happened to be the first color that popped into my head.  It took a few seconds, but I got a one, but it wasn’t yellow.  I concentrated and finally, the one seemed to turn a watery yellow for the briefest moment… that was enough for me.  I’d take it as a win.

Next, I thought to myself, I’ll try a blue two.  Blue number two.  Blue.  Two.  Blue.  Two.

I could picture a splotch of blue, and I was able to see a white number two pretty clearly, but for the life of me, I couldn’t picture a blue number two.  I began to feel some frustration, so I opened my eyes, about to take a deep breath and try again when I happened to notice that the last card I had pulled out of the deck, the card from my second reading, was left out of the deck (I had wrapped it in a silk scarf and had been holding them, while trying to visualize). 

I decided to take the opportunity for a break,  and put the card back in the deck.  As I slid it home, the thought occured to me… I wonder what the blue number two is in this deck (one suit had blue edges… the card colors were black, purple, red, green, and of course, blue)?

I had been keeping the cards I’d already studied/read on the top of the deck.  I removed them, and decided to look through the deck and find that blue two, because I was too curious not to.  Holding the remaining, unstudied portion of the deck, I began to flip cards over, from the top.  One.  Two.  Three.

There it was.  Blue number two, in all its glory…

Oh, yes.  You’re seeing that right, friends.  The third ‘card’ (or reading) I was trying to find moments before, to study.  The third card down in the deck.  The blue number two card.  The blue number two which I was totally, completely, perplexingly unable to see is…….

The ‘Refusing to See’ card.

(Continued from preface) Look at how many opportunities for missing that moment of sheer delight (and the five or six I’ve had since then, all with this deck, in less than a week)! What if Husband had listened to me and never even bothered looking for an open shop? What if I’d been cranky, and not wanted to go, or just had wanted to stay home?  I doubt I would be any worse for wear.  And I don’t see (yet) how this has added some great boon to my existence.  It’s a simple delight in co-conspiring with your Higher Self for putting amazing, delightful things in your path, for the sheer fun of it… this is the joy and delight of synchronicity. 

What Synchronicity Looks Like (Part I)

A true and honest reporting of a conversation between myself and the Universe.  Since I tend to get wordy, I am relying on ‘script’ format, at first.  Note how long ahead of my moment of mind-blowing moments that things had started to begin lining up for me, in order to have this ‘conversation’ with my Higher Self; (continued after the conclusion of Part II)

Day 1

Husband: Wife, I have to take my car in for an oil change Monday (which is a holiday, mind you).

Me: Husband, that’s a holiday, nowhere will be open.

Day 3 

Husband: Wife, I need to get the oil changed in my car tomorrow.

Me: It’s a holiday, no one is going to be open.

Day 4:

Husband: Wife, I’m going to see if anyone can change the oil in my car today.

Me: Husband, what are you going to do, just ride up and down the road, looking to see if someone is open?

Husband: Yes. (Kiss, hug, departs)

(Some time later, my phone rings, it’s Husband.)

Husband (on phone): Wife, I’m at my dad’s.  The only place open was Sears, and it was a 4 hour wait.

Me: Husband, why didn’t you leave the car and call me to come pick you up?  We could have gone across the street, and used our coupon for a free prime rib dinner?  If you need the oil changed, 4 hours from now is better than not at all.

Husband agrees, I go pick him up, we eat a delicious meal, we haven’t heard back from Sears yet (who, upon his return said, actually it is pretty slow, it’ll be about 45 minutes) so he asks me to go to Barnes & Noble with him.  I love Barnes and Noble, so I agree.

Upon entering, he wanders back to check out the vinyl, and I linger at the sales tables by the front door, then I wander over to the place where they put the Bargain Priced journals and notebooks (I have a problem… I’m not seeking help for it).  Then, I have the impulse to go check out Abraham Hick’s books.  They must be in there somewhere.  There were too many followers for Barnes and Noble not to carry them.

I’m not quite sure why I wanted to see them.  I’d determined long ago that it was unnecessary for me to get the books, because I felt like I still had ample free material to peruse online.  So, I found myself in the right section, on the right row, and my eye was caught by some Oracle cards.  I knew they were like tarot cards, but not exactly, so out of curiosity, on impulse, I picked up the first deck.  It looked pretty cool, and was for growing your psychic abilities.  I thought that was pretty awesome, because that’s kind of what I’m doing right now.  Developing my intuition.  Trusting my inner guide.  Then I saw the second deck.  It was a Heart deck, about relationships.  The front of the box showed the clasped hands of a couple and the braided cord of a handfasting.

I flipped the boxes over and noted that the Heart cards cost a dollar more ($19.99USD vs $18.99) than the Psychic cards.  Cheapskate that I tend to be, I put the Heart deck back on the shelf.

Sorry, Not Sorry.

So, I’ve just had a revelation.

All day long, I walk around telling everyone ‘Sorry’, or ‘Excuse me’, or ‘Pardon me’.  Constantly.  I’m apologizing for bumping into people, for being too cheerful, for not walking fast enough when someone holds the door open for me, for dropping the F-bomb on my own blog; it feels like I’m always apologizing.  Why?

Just today, I was on Facebook *shudder* and saw a post by an acquaintance about some car troubles they’d had.  I commented regret that they were not having an enjoyable experience, then spun a lovely story, portraying the couple laughing about this and many other trials they will experience during their time together… and at the end, caught myself about to apologize. 

For what?

For refusing to lower my own vibration in order to commiserate with them?  For taking time from my day to craft a beautiful linguistic picture of joy and happiness especiallyfor her?  For daring to speak my truth from a place of love and gratitude, instead of from a place of frustration and lack?  For daring to show others that they don’t have to look at life as the enemy?

Fuck that.

I have quoted my comment here, in all its unapologetic glory (well, except that one apology there at the beginning… and the one at the end… I forgot about them… but, case in point):

I’m sorry that your experience was unpleasant in the moment… but one day, when you are old, and you guys have been together so long that you start looking like one another… you will look back on the early days of your time together, back to this day that you just couldn’t seem to catch a break, but you worked together, and you survived, and you guys were SO aggravated… and it was just AWFUL… but you had each other, and no matter how bad it seemed, you knew you’d get through, because you were still together… and you will laugh.  And you will smile knowingly at one another, remembering all the storms of life you’ve weathered together since then, some more difficult, more painful than this day, and some less so, but through them all, you each knew you would make it through… together.  You will look back and recall it fondly because you will see only the love.  Time will fade the sharp edges of the experience, and it will blur the frustration, blinding you to all but the love and admiration you hold for one another.

Or you could skip the wait, and just laugh about it now.

Just sayin’. 🙂

All the love, friend.  Truly.  Sorry your day was so unpleasant!

I’m not sorry for my point of view.  I’m not sorry that I vibrate on an energetic level that annoys the piss out of people.  I’m not sorry that I refuse to get drunk with others on wine wrought from sour grapes.  
Okay.  Whoa, Nellie.  Getting a little belligerent, there.  It’s true, though.  I’m tired of apologizing for being exactly who and how I want to be– for not being who, what, and how anyone else desires me to be.  (And for the record, this is not a rant, because this person became offended at my words… quite the opposite, in fact.  This person has not replied at all, because I just wrote it.  If I am ranting, it is only with exuberance for my new point of view.  I am not angry or upset, though my words may s– OH, HEY, LOOK… ANOTHER APOLOGY… RIGHT EFFIN THERE!  TRYING TO SNEAK ITS WAY IN… not gonna happen.  Not today).

Those that think they know me have NO idea of what’s coming.  Hell, I have no idea what’s coming.  Every day I wake up excited.  Thrilled.  Curious.  Wondering what little Easter Eggs (in the gamer sense) the Universe has planned for me today.

This is exciting stuff, people.  Life changing stuff.  It is my dearest hope that my words extend out into the Universe, touching the hearts that are ready for them, and preparing the way for the messenger of the hearts that aren’t.   

My every post on this blog is a call to my tribe.  Every person I bump into, every face I see, I feel my soul asking, over and over, are you in my tribe?  Do you speak my language?  And now, I’m beginning to listen for a reply.

My eyes and ears are being opened.  The way is clear.  The truth is undeniable.  The light washes my soul; bathing it in pure love and acceptance.  

There is excitement in the air.  Can you feel it?

Stop Putting Things Off

​Some of you may notice the very strong resemblance to the voice/tone/style/language of Abraham Hicks.  That is because I am currently consuming hours upon hours of Abraham content on YouTube, daily.  This constant influx of tone and language does influence my writing.  While I wrote this, I was neither listening to nor reading any Abraham material… all of this came from my own mind, but it is voiced in the same style of the Abraham material, because it’s nearly the only thing I watch/listen to, outside of the occasional blog or Facebook foray. This is not an attempt to plagiarize or claim any of Esther-Abraham-Jerry Hicks’ material, in any way.  This is just a block of energy which I received, but haven’t developed my own ‘voice’ yet, so to speak, so I somewhat ‘borrowed’ Abraham’s style until I’ve found my own.  But there’s definitely some of my own personality in there… not even Abraham is quite that snarky to their audience as I have been here… although, to be fair, I was basically writing for an audience of one, myself, but thought I’d share with you guys, in case you found some value in it as well.  Enjoy.

Stop putting fun stuff off.  Stop waiting for someday.  Stop waiting for tomorrow.  Live for today, because it is all you have.  Live for this moment, because it is all you have.  Eat dessert first, if you always forget to save room.  Travel now.  See the world now.  Stop using money as an excuse not to feel absolutely amazing.  If you can watch porn and get aroused, you can watch videos of your dream vacation or home, soak in the music and the food and the culture from wherever you are.  Make friends with people who live there.  This is the digital age.  Stop sitting on your ass, feeling shitty because you don’t have enough money to physically go to that place at this time.  Take the condition of money out of the equation.  Take the condition of vacation time out of the equation.  Take the condition of the country being dead center of a war zone, currently out of the equation– or turned to dust, currently, because it no longer exists in the physical realm.  Stop allowing yourself to feel bad because someone, somewhere, once told you that you had to have the condition to have the feeling.  You do not.  You do not need to be loved by someone to feel love for them.  If that were so, there would be a lot less divorce.  There’d be a lot less marriage, too.  You do not need to be rich to live the life of your dreams.  You do not need to have your feet plunged into the hot, salty sand of the beach in order to feel as joyful and relaxed as if you were there.  If you shackle yourself to needing the condition to feel the feeling, you will spend your entire life chasing down conditions that make you feel good, and running from conditions that make you feel bad.

When you stop focusing on the conditions around you and start focusing on the feelings within you, and only saying those words that feel like love, and only thinking thoughts that make you feel joy and love and kindness… that’s when the magic happens.  That’s when your mind starts to get used to feeling good, to being happy, to being positive.  When the less good-feeling thoughts cross your mind, they start feeling uncomfortable.  When you change the way you talk or dress or eat, not because you’re making a ‘statement’, not because you’re rallying anyone to any cause, but because you’re taking time out of your day to listen to your soul, to talk to your Inner Being, to hear good, loving things from the only Source that matters.  So you don’t munch to fill the holes of loneliness, boredom, or pain.  You don’t crack open that ice cold beer to quiet the demons anymore because you’re facing them, sometimes without even noticing you’re doing it.  You begin unraveling the heavy mask you’ve been carrying around since as far back as you can remember.  Every misconception.  Every false belief.  Every misinterpreted look.  Every heart-wrenching, broken moment of your life that you woven into the thorny wall you’ve been building around yourself since you first got here… one by one, those moments in your memories will begin to soften, to turn from painful thorns into silken thread; thread which you can then use to begin weaving the beautiful, colorful tapestry that is your life.  The wall basically melts into thread.  Think Rumplestiltskin.  Straw into gold and whatnot.

Once you’ve reached this point, you should not be saying sorry.  You should not be begging pardons or asking forgiveness, and you shouldn’t be expecting any, either.  Most of us reach the point where we realize we should no longer be saying we’re sorry, but forget to extend that realization out, and stop expecting others to apologize to us and fix our hurt feelings.  Circumstances can only be one of two things: a blessin’ or a lesson.  Enlightenment is the awareness that all circumstances are blessings, from which we pick and choose our lessons.  The things we allow to steer us off of our path of happiness and thriving and joy are the things we are choosing to turn into lessons for ourselves.

We have the choice to allow a circumstance, any circumstance, to simply remain a blessing, and pass out of our lives.  

If the thought of this seems unnatural to you, then you haven’t been looking at your life through the eyes of your Inner Being.  Right where you are, right now, whether you’re a miserable millionair or a miserable junkie, wherever you are in this very moment is the precise place that you (not somebody else, not the person beside you reading this exact same post… Y. O. U. YOU) need to be in order for every single good and wonderful thing you want out of this life to begin to flow to you.  Your anxiety… gone, if you want it to be.  Your depression?  That too, if you believe it and you want it.

Now, I am not advocating ditching your psych meds for a flower crown and a rousing version of Kumbaya around the campfire… never go against your doctor’s advice, and always consult your doctor before starting or stopping any prescribed medications.  Be smart.

But, don’t settle for a life of pills and limited thinking.  Have faith.  If not in the system, in yourself.  If not in yourself, in the Universe, or in God, or, failing all that, All you really need is the belief that if it works on something small, you will start testing it vigorously, with an open mind.  That’s all.  All you need is an open mind and a willingness to care about how you feel.  

If you will make the way you feel a priority, if you will make the most important promise between you and whatever label you slap onto your higher power (or just your own personal integrity, if you don’t believe in any power, higher or otherwise, than your own consciousness), if you will place your highest priority on feeling good, and I mean real good feelings, like love and excitement and fulfillment and joy, those good feelings, if you will vow to focus on only the thoughts and conditions which bring you those feelings– whether they exist in the physical realm or not– if you will focus on the feeling, instead of the condition, there is nothing you can’t have.  If your mother has died, and you have the desire to have a hug from your mother, have a hug from your mother.  Do whatever it takes to feel that same level of comfort.  If that means hugging a pillow while picturing your mother, do it.  If that requires finding an older woman to give you a hug, do it.  Stop feeling bad that a condition which you had equated to a feeling no longer exists.  As much as you loved your mother, she is not the only source of that feeling of comfort and love and acceptance you are looking for.   Not unless you decide she’s the only source.  Start looking for new ways to recreate that feeling, while you remain grateful.  Allow yourself to feel joyful that you got to know your mother long enough to remember what a hug from her felt like to you.  The only person depriving you of anything is you.  You are depriving yourself of a life filled with unconditional love and limitless joy and happiness.  Stop trying to change the conditions.  Start changing how you think about the conditions, because how you think directly affects how you feel.  You think poorly, you’ll be poor, no matter how much money you have in the bank.  If your mind is free, not even the most secure shackles on the shortest chains in the deepest dungeon can hold you captive.